At the end of a hiring process, the team may invite you to dinner to see how well you get along with the rest of the group. As we’ve discussed in previous posts, fit with the team and the company is a key part of success, and managers want to make sure that you gel with the people you’ll be working with before they commit to hiring you.
While dinner may be a more social step in the process than a case study, it is still a critical part of securing a job. It’s crucial to impress and behave appropriately.
Show up on time, and dress appropriately. The team and manager are all taking time out of their work or their personal lives to learn more about you. Respect their time by arriving on time. You will know from your past experiences in the interviewing process what constitutes appropriate dress. You can also do research on the restaurant you’ll be going to, if necessary.
When you arrive, be sure to greet everyone by name. If possible, memorize everyone’s names prior to arriving. If not, be sure to memorize names as you make the rounds. It can help to repeat someone’s name back to them when you meet them. Don’t miss anyone. There may be people you haven’t met before—don’t be shy. Unfamiliar members of the team may be less or more senior, but they may also be the most important people outside of the manager. Ignore no one.
Once you get to the table, don’t sit down at the first seat you see. The team may want to put you next to specific people. This could be someone you will work with closely or a senior member of the team whose opinion carries weight with the team manager. Wait to see if they have a seating placement in mind. If they don’t, wait for a few people to sit down and take what’s available.
During dinner, be sure to participate in conversations without dominating them. If the conversation breaks into smaller groups, be sure to speak to the people on both side of you. Don’t get tunnel vision and focus on some team members at the expense of others. If others start sharing stories of difficult or funny situations from past deals or jobs, share something anodyne. Disclosing sensitive information doesn’t make you look good and can even put you at risk if you’ve signed an NDA.
To ensure that you can participate in those conversations, order something easy to eat: avoid time-consuming or overly complicated foods like lobster. It is wise also to avoid things like salads or long pastas like spaghetti, since both can be unwieldy to eat depending on their preparation. Pay attention to the price of what you’re ordering. Don’t order the most expensive item on the menu, but don’t order the cheapest either. If everyone else is having a drink, you can have one too but don’t drink too much. You want to be in control of your actions—and you don’t want to be an expensive date.The team may watch your alcohol consumption. Follow the lead of those around you. Treat the wait staff politely.
Regardless of what you order, pay attention to your table manners before, during, and after you eat. You don’t need to know what wine goes best with which dish. You should, however, know to put your napkin in your lap. You should know to use silverware from the outside in, and you should know the difference between a wine glass and a waterglass. If others are still eating, don’t let the wait staff take your plate. If you’re the last one eating, stop and allow the staff to clear. While this may not be a general rule of etiquette, it’s a good idea for a dinner like this. You don’t want to hold things up or draw unnecessary attention to yourself. Only order dessert or coffee if others do. If you don’t feel confident in your table manners, there are plenty of online resources you can use to brush up before arriving.
Once dinner is finished, gauge the temperature of the rest of the team. If everyone is going to go for a drink, you should do the same. Don’t schedule any other engagements for the night of this dinner. Rushing the dinner or leaving early because of other plans does not look good. If you need to return to work, make sure the team knows that before you start dinner. (But do your best to avoid having to go back to work.)
In general, your goal is to fit in with the group without drawing too much attention to yourself. Be confident but take cues from others. Participate in conversation, but don’t make yourself the star of the show. Most importantly, be sure to be yourself. Fit can’t be faked. If you and the group don’t mesh, then it’s not the job for you. That’s why you’re going to dinner in the first place. No one benefits from a mismatch—not them, and certainly not you.
